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connielane at 06:15pm on 26/05/2009
connielane at 06:15pm on 26/05/2009Finally, after reading half the book, here come the sparkle.
CHAPTER ELEVEN - COMPLICATIONS
"That's none of your business, Mike," I warned, internally cursing Jessica straight to the fiery pits of Hades.
Nice.
"Sure. Brown is warm. I miss brown. Everything that's supposed to be brown – tree trunks, rocks, dirt – is all covered up with squashy green stuff here," I complained.
He seemed fascinated by my little rant.
Well, I'm glad SOMEONE is. That was a rant?
Okay, now I can see girls being consumed with the idea of a gorgeous boy who is extremely interested in them, even in the boring stuff. And who doesn't run away when you tell him the reason for your choice of favorite gemstone is because it's the color of his eyes.
And here's my biggest problem. This reminds me of several movies I've seen mocked on Mystery Science Theater. You can see a good idea under all the crap if you look hard enough, and it's kind of sad to think that, in the hands of competent filmmakers, the film might have been decent, or at least watchable. That's very much how I feel about this story. That in the hands of a gifted writer, capable of writing three-dimensional, sympathetic, layered characters, engaging dialogue, and captivating scenes ... this might be something really great and enjoyable. Unfortunately, like Manos: The Hands of Fate and Parts: The Clonus Horror, something that might have been a solid or even good idea has been horribly executed in every aspect - bad writing, bad camera work, bad lighting, bad costumes, bad catering, etc.
"It's the safest time of day for us," he said, answering the unspoken question in my eyes. "The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way… the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?" He smiled wistfully.
Behold, reader, I hurled.
I can almost hear the West Side Story overture as Billy and Jacob arrive, just missing Edward. *does the famous Bernsteinian whistle*
CHAPTER TWELVE - BALANCING (Man, these chapter titles are boring. You should just not have chapter titles if they're going to be this dull.)
Dazzle overload. Seriously, he seems very curious about your life, Bella - your likes, your dislikes, your relationships, etc. It'd be nice if you had any thoughts about him - ANY AT ALL - besides "ooooooh, preeeeettyyyyyyy..."
And I'm getting uncomfortable with all these "embarrassing" revelations to him of her feelings for him. Buffy and Angel did this dance SO much better.
CHAGRIN! *drinks*
Our relationship couldn't continue to balance, as it did, on the point of a knife.
LOL, Tolkien "homage"!
I laughed with him, hiding a secret twinge of regret – why did he have to look like a runway model when I couldn't?
Grrrrr! Just stop it. STOP IT ALREADY!
She doesn't.
And then the cliffhanger to the next chapter. What will happen when he steps into the sunlight? Will he burst into flames? Will he turn into a giant anteater? Will he suddenly get the fever for the flavor of Pringles? Inquiring minds want to know, Stephanie!
CHAPTER THIRTEEN - CONFESSIONS
*sings* A kiss on the hand may be quite continental ... but vampires are a girl's best friend!
Can I just say, as many have doubtless said before, how DUMB it is for vampires to sparkle? Aren't they, like, damned and stuff? I'm trying to picture other vampires, notably the bad ones we'll meet in future chapters, sparkling like shiny shiny diamonds and it's totally incongruous. The whole idea behind most vampire legends is that the vampires are usually attractive on the outside, masking their evil nature. I can't help thinking at this point about the Curse of the Black Pearl, and how moonlight showed what the cursed pirates truly were. Maybe the sparkle is still part of the surface of these vamps, but then why the big reveal, as if that's the big bad secret? I mean, obviously this would be something they'd have to hide from people, but it's breathtakingly stupid as a big supposedly-scary-but-not-to-super-speshul-Bella reveal.
Not only is he beautiful, he has perfect BREATH.
Yaddayadda lion and the lamb. I can tell, and I've obviously heard, that this is a super-important line and that people have it tattooed around their ankles and crap like that and it's OMGSOIMPORTANT that Meyer INSISTED it be included in the film. I'll bet Meyer was so pleased with herself for coming up with it. But yeah, it's still stupid.
There is one moment in this chapter that I was vaguely impressed with - the whole "perfect predator" bit where he says he doesn't even need to draw her in because she could never outrun him or fight him off. As I understand, this chapter was kind of the cornerstone of the story and - if I'm not mistaken - was the initial impetus for the rest of the book. If the rest of the book were on par with this chapter, and the predator bit in particular, it might be more tolerable. I'm not saying this chapter is even that good, but I do think it's quite a bit stronger than the rest of the book so far, and as such, it only emphasizes how weak the whole endeavor is.
"Drunk?" I objected.
"You're intoxicated by my very presence."
LOL LAME!
CHAPTER FOURTEEN - MIND OVER MATTER
"Music in the fifties was good. Much better than the sixties, or the seventies, ugh!"
BLASPHEMER! And the eighties were merely *bearable*?! *hates Edward*
****
CHAGRIN! *drinks*
"carving of Adonis," GAAAAAAH
Oh, NOW she wants to talk and ask questions, as she lies in her bed next to Captain Sparkle.
And yeah, totally with the rest of the haters on how creepy it is for him to sneak into her room and watch her sleep. I know a lot of teen girls - and maybe I thought this way at that age, too - think it'd be dreamy for a hot guy to be so fascinated by them that he'd break normal social mores just to watch them sleep. But regardless of whether Edward has evil intent (and we've been told that part of him DOES) that kind of behavior is textbook predator. Girls, you are not a princess living in a tower, destined to marry a total stranger just because he slays a dragon for you. There are RULES to courtship.
I'm reminded of when the Interview with the Vampire movie came out, and this girl at work told me that she had been sleeping with her window open and sleeping in such a way that her neck was exposed, wanting Brad Pitt to come and bite her. Um, yeah. Backing slowly away now.
CHAPTER ELEVEN - COMPLICATIONS
"That's none of your business, Mike," I warned, internally cursing Jessica straight to the fiery pits of Hades.
Nice.
"Sure. Brown is warm. I miss brown. Everything that's supposed to be brown – tree trunks, rocks, dirt – is all covered up with squashy green stuff here," I complained.
He seemed fascinated by my little rant.
Well, I'm glad SOMEONE is. That was a rant?
Okay, now I can see girls being consumed with the idea of a gorgeous boy who is extremely interested in them, even in the boring stuff. And who doesn't run away when you tell him the reason for your choice of favorite gemstone is because it's the color of his eyes.
And here's my biggest problem. This reminds me of several movies I've seen mocked on Mystery Science Theater. You can see a good idea under all the crap if you look hard enough, and it's kind of sad to think that, in the hands of competent filmmakers, the film might have been decent, or at least watchable. That's very much how I feel about this story. That in the hands of a gifted writer, capable of writing three-dimensional, sympathetic, layered characters, engaging dialogue, and captivating scenes ... this might be something really great and enjoyable. Unfortunately, like Manos: The Hands of Fate and Parts: The Clonus Horror, something that might have been a solid or even good idea has been horribly executed in every aspect - bad writing, bad camera work, bad lighting, bad costumes, bad catering, etc.
"It's the safest time of day for us," he said, answering the unspoken question in my eyes. "The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way… the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?" He smiled wistfully.
Behold, reader, I hurled.
I can almost hear the West Side Story overture as Billy and Jacob arrive, just missing Edward. *does the famous Bernsteinian whistle*
CHAPTER TWELVE - BALANCING (Man, these chapter titles are boring. You should just not have chapter titles if they're going to be this dull.)
Dazzle overload. Seriously, he seems very curious about your life, Bella - your likes, your dislikes, your relationships, etc. It'd be nice if you had any thoughts about him - ANY AT ALL - besides "ooooooh, preeeeettyyyyyyy..."
And I'm getting uncomfortable with all these "embarrassing" revelations to him of her feelings for him. Buffy and Angel did this dance SO much better.
CHAGRIN! *drinks*
Our relationship couldn't continue to balance, as it did, on the point of a knife.
LOL, Tolkien "homage"!
I laughed with him, hiding a secret twinge of regret – why did he have to look like a runway model when I couldn't?
Grrrrr! Just stop it. STOP IT ALREADY!
She doesn't.
And then the cliffhanger to the next chapter. What will happen when he steps into the sunlight? Will he burst into flames? Will he turn into a giant anteater? Will he suddenly get the fever for the flavor of Pringles? Inquiring minds want to know, Stephanie!
CHAPTER THIRTEEN - CONFESSIONS
*sings* A kiss on the hand may be quite continental ... but vampires are a girl's best friend!
Can I just say, as many have doubtless said before, how DUMB it is for vampires to sparkle? Aren't they, like, damned and stuff? I'm trying to picture other vampires, notably the bad ones we'll meet in future chapters, sparkling like shiny shiny diamonds and it's totally incongruous. The whole idea behind most vampire legends is that the vampires are usually attractive on the outside, masking their evil nature. I can't help thinking at this point about the Curse of the Black Pearl, and how moonlight showed what the cursed pirates truly were. Maybe the sparkle is still part of the surface of these vamps, but then why the big reveal, as if that's the big bad secret? I mean, obviously this would be something they'd have to hide from people, but it's breathtakingly stupid as a big supposedly-scary-but-not-to-super-speshul-Bella reveal.
Not only is he beautiful, he has perfect BREATH.
Yaddayadda lion and the lamb. I can tell, and I've obviously heard, that this is a super-important line and that people have it tattooed around their ankles and crap like that and it's OMGSOIMPORTANT that Meyer INSISTED it be included in the film. I'll bet Meyer was so pleased with herself for coming up with it. But yeah, it's still stupid.
There is one moment in this chapter that I was vaguely impressed with - the whole "perfect predator" bit where he says he doesn't even need to draw her in because she could never outrun him or fight him off. As I understand, this chapter was kind of the cornerstone of the story and - if I'm not mistaken - was the initial impetus for the rest of the book. If the rest of the book were on par with this chapter, and the predator bit in particular, it might be more tolerable. I'm not saying this chapter is even that good, but I do think it's quite a bit stronger than the rest of the book so far, and as such, it only emphasizes how weak the whole endeavor is.
"Drunk?" I objected.
"You're intoxicated by my very presence."
LOL LAME!
CHAPTER FOURTEEN - MIND OVER MATTER
"Music in the fifties was good. Much better than the sixties, or the seventies, ugh!"
BLASPHEMER! And the eighties were merely *bearable*?! *hates Edward*
****
CHAGRIN! *drinks*
"carving of Adonis," GAAAAAAH
Oh, NOW she wants to talk and ask questions, as she lies in her bed next to Captain Sparkle.
And yeah, totally with the rest of the haters on how creepy it is for him to sneak into her room and watch her sleep. I know a lot of teen girls - and maybe I thought this way at that age, too - think it'd be dreamy for a hot guy to be so fascinated by them that he'd break normal social mores just to watch them sleep. But regardless of whether Edward has evil intent (and we've been told that part of him DOES) that kind of behavior is textbook predator. Girls, you are not a princess living in a tower, destined to marry a total stranger just because he slays a dragon for you. There are RULES to courtship.
I'm reminded of when the Interview with the Vampire movie came out, and this girl at work told me that she had been sleeping with her window open and sleeping in such a way that her neck was exposed, wanting Brad Pitt to come and bite her. Um, yeah. Backing slowly away now.